Colored Hair

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at him.

The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked: “What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?”

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid …………

“Got stoned once and screwed a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.”

Morning Sex

She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast,
wearing only the T-shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in almost awake she turned and said softly, "You've
got to make love to me this very moment."

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going
to be my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment I
embraced her and then gave it my all right there
on the kitchen table.


Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still
around her neck. A little puzzled, I asked,
"What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Women are very mean.

Heart Attack

A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming
from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.

'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband..
The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's
dialing, her four-year-old son comes up
And says, "Mummy Mummy Aunty Shirley is hiding in the
wardrobe & she has no clothes on"

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom right past her husband..
Rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister
, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten Female Dog', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack,


and you're running around
naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!'