Crying Woman

A woman gets onto a bus, and all the time she's crying. An old man who is sitting on the bus invites her to come and sit next to him, offers her a handkerchief, pats her on the arm and says, "There, there... what's happened to upset you, my dear?"

Crying so bitterly she can hardly speak, the woman manages to sob out, "I'm so upset...everybody says... that my baby...is ugly!"

"Oh dear," says the kindly old gentleman, "What a terrible thing to say. Never mind, you sit here and have a good cry; that'll make you feel better. Now just make yourself comfortable - I'll hold the monkey for you..."

The Problem he has

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.

She said, “You use to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, “Then you used to kiss me.” Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said. “Then you use to bite my neck. “Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

“Where are you going ?” she asked.

“To get my teeth!”

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"